Moving Forward for Men's Mental Health

Its funny how someone else's story can help you find even more purpose in your life.
Last weekend I had the pleasure of sharing not only my own story but also Morgan's to 30 at risk youth/teens. In each group there was one who came forward to talk to me privately after about something they related to. Hearing them open up about concerns and themselves help me see why doing what we do is so important. I am not a public speaker by any means and I know it is something that comes with work and time but what I do know is it is something that needs to be done.

The more we share our story of hope and healing then more others will open up about their own struggles and see that healing is an option. Finding strength in others is something that I never thought would be possible but it is. The more people we share with and the more people open up to us about themselves gives me the strength I need to keep going. It has also helped me start to put it all down into what I hope will one day be a book of healing for others.

We have met so many who have stayed silent for years about their struggles or struggles their family/loved ones have faced and when they hear our story they open up and start finding their own purpose in life. Even my husband who is not someone to talk about much will share what we have faced and lost to those he meets while working away at job sites. Every time he does he meets more and more men who have suffered in silence and have faced things that society has deemed they keep to themselves. We have not only allowed teens and families to open up but also men who have faced the shame that society places on them when they suffer from mental illness and addiction.

To me, when a man is able to show you a side of him that allows him to open the darkest and deepest places he has lived it shows true strength and courage. For a man to show he has once been vulnerable to life struggles, to mental illness, and to a place where hope is lost, then he is allowing healing to begin and that takes so much courage and strength. Society has made us believe that a man is suppose to be strong, a provider, to keep his feelings hidden, to not be vulnerable and I am sorry but that has got to stop! We have men who are struggling and suffering in silence because of what we tell them they are suppose to be. We need to stop telling our sons that crying is not okay, that sharing your hopes and dreams with others is not okay, that you are always to appear strong and keep it together and we need to stop shaming men who are sensitive and caring!

For years I watched many men in my life appear strong in the face of others but could see behind those eyes the pain the carried in silence, in fear of what others would think of them. This is no way to live. While we, as women are able to cry, fall apart, and share our inner most feelings; men are left to deal and cope with that alone in their own minds. That is just asking for trouble. That is the reason so many turn to self medicating, to rage outbursts, and to suicide when they can no longer deal and cope with those inner demons. For me a true man is not afraid to show his true feelings, to cry at loss, to show passion towards something that means a lot to him, to show frustration in a healthy way and to love with affection and show that! Feelings need to be encouraged in both men and women. We do not need to be ashamed of what we feel, we shouldn't need to be worried about offending others when sharing our emotions (providing we are doing it respectfully!) Our feeling are our own but sharing them will allow others to gain the courage to share theirs as well.

My husband is currently away and has been for 7 weeks now, he has met a few who have shared their own story after hearing what he has been through and struggles with. One even has gone as far as to finally open up and share everything he has faced in life and that is a blessing. To find purpose in life is eye opening and a huge relief for those who have been faced with lost hope. For many the though of losing someone so close to you to suicide or losing a child to suicide and being able to be open and honest about it and what it has done to your family is enough for them to step back and say "Wow! If this family can lose so much and keep fighting then so can I" and that is a major thing for them.

For me this shows that we are still able to make sure that Morgan is helping others as she always did & wanted. Even on our darkest days we sit and remember why we are doing this and keep going. I know Morgan is proud of what we are doing and will continue to do. Her dreams may have been lost when we lost her but her legacy is still very much alive in what so many of us who loved her are doing. I really hate the saying everything happens for a reason, I prefer to say everything we do comes from a place of loss or passion....... There is no good reason why we lost Morgan but what has happened to continue to help others since losing her is a positive thing that came from the darkest time in my life.

It is time now that more is done not just for teens & youth but also for men. We have met so many amazing men who have struggled for so long in fear of what others would say or think that we have to make sure the men in our lives are emotionally and mentally healthy....... it is time that the stigma around all mental health ends and we stop letting so many live in shame and fear.

Mental Health Care Funding Crisis

Over the last couple years I have talked to many who have had direct and indirect contact with the mental health care system. I have spoke to parents who have tried accessing care for their children, adults who have searched for care as well as many who work in this profession. One thing they all can say is services are unfunded, however when asked where the funding needs to go we all hit a brick wall. They all agree we need shorter wait times but yet nobody has a clear cut plan on how to make this a reality. So is the problem really more funding or is the problem that funding isn't being utilized in a manner that is benefiting those who need it the most.

Over the last few months my daughter has been asking many questions as she gets ready to leave the youth mental health care system and enter into the adult system. Something we both are looking at with fear. Thankfully she has a mom who has had an interest in this field for decades and knows how to advocate for her and our family or she may be left behind to deal with her illnesses on her own.
In her questions and my research I have come to realize that very little is being done to look at where the holes are in mental health care. I have uses my resources to look for clinical trials, case studies and action plans and I must say I am deeply saddened at what I have found. I am also afraid to admit I have had to use my own daughter as a patient in many trail and error cases just to fid things that work for her and what don't work for her. From requesting tests to the use of vitamins and supplements, and also looking at sleep patterns and stress levels. Let me say this, doing this has raised more question then there are answers for out there.

Below you will read a letter that Bailey and I have been working on that once finished will be making its way to MLAs and MPs throughout Canada as well as doctors because we all deserve answers and we all deserve the care we need to be healthy in every way. Some have said I need to come off less angry BUT these holes and lack of protocol cost me a daughter so I am allowed to be angry. Some say it is long, well there is no short answer to starting to get things together so we can all get help.
I do ask you to please give feedback if you like or if you think more needs to be said or eve if you have questions! Just email me at morgansmission13@gmail.com with them and I promise I will get back to you <3
So here it is!

Society is crying for more funding for mental health but nobody is saying where that funding needs to go. Why? Because they don’t know where the problems are because nobody is bothering to ask those who have and are dealing with mental and emotion illness.

Everyone is guessing where the funding should be and nothing is changing. Is the problem lack of beds? Is it lack of available counsellors, psychologist or psychiatrists? Or is it the fact that many who are prescribed medication are not followed to be sure the dose and prescription is right for the patient? Or is it people are not aware of the resources in their area? Are people who see our youth missing signs because they don’t have the education and training needed to see them? Or is it still that so many are embarrassed to talk about their problems? What about those who feel our youth are only playing the system so they don’t need to face reality? These are all questions that need to have answers! How are we able to implement regulations and policies when nobody is looking at the bigger picture?!

If someone would take the time to look at every problem that those of us bring to the table then maybe we can start getting the funding into the areas that need it the most. Like, why are inquests not done on all case where suicide is the cause of death? I bet if this was done then a pattern would be seen on where the holes in the system are. What about cases where family doctors are handing out psychiatric medication but not following up with the patient to make sure the dose is working for them or encouraging them to talk to someone that can help? We wouldn’t be doing this to patients with cancer or diabetes! How about communities that do not have access to the care and treatment needed for those who are suffering from mental illness, why are we not looking at what these communities need to prevent suicides from happening?  Why is it that we require our youth to go through kindergarten preparedness and encourage annual check ups with doctors, eye doctors and dentists but we are not encouraging mental and emotional health check ups? If this was done more and more cases would be caught early enough to be able to have treatment done. Why is it we teach our children about things they feel isn’t going to benefit them in life but yet we are not teaching them how to handle conflict, stress or mental and emotional wellness? If more youth were able to understand the trials and errors of life and that stress can be good but also bad for us then they would be able to make healthier decisions about themselves. What about making sure we are getting the proper minerals and vitamins? Simple blood work will show if we are lacking in one that is required for good mental health. And if there are cases where low income families are unable to get these then why are we not offering supplements for them to ensure of children have the best chance at proper health? We encourage pregnant moms to take vitamins and folic acid to ensure the baby develops in a healthy way but that stops after they are born. This raises the question to how many psychological disorders are being treated that are simply a deficiency that can easily be corrected by helping with proper nutrition and supplementation.

 We are crying for more funding but where should it be going? Nobody seems to have an answer and nobody seems to want to put the work in to figure it out! This is not just a health care issue, this is also an educational and social development issue and its time they worked together to start figuring out where this broken system is failing those who need it the most. Awareness is only going to go so far in changing the mental health care system. We need to have studies done to see where and what is not working and also see what people are struggling with. This can not be done by those who have no idea what is happening, it has to be done by those who have been in this storm and have witnessed first hand the troubles and losses. We need to question the youth and parents of school aged children to see what their stressors are, what problems they are facing and what issues they are having getting the care and treatment they need. Then fix it! We need to look at inquests and see where the system failed them and fix it! We need to stop allowing media to report poorly when incidents happen to those with mental illness. We need to change how referrals are handled so that people are not getting lost in the shuffle. We need to stop the blame and judging for those who work in high stress jobs who struggle and need someone to talk to! In fact in jobs where people are seeing things that can scar them (military, first responders, health care workers etc) we should be encouraging them to see and talk to someone on a regular basis just to do mental and emotional wellness checks and not be made to feel they will loss their job because they are in fact human with human emotions!

We have been crying for more and more funding to mental health but yet nothing has changed in all these years. So is funding really the problem? Or could the problem be that what funding is being given to mental health care is not going to where it needs to be? And if more isn’t done to access the true issues that are lacking, is more funding even going to matter? No it isn’t because it will just be more funding going to areas that don’t need it and more and more problems will keep coming up. If you compare the advancement of other health care acres to mental health you will notice that

while most areas have excelled in research and development, the area of mental health has not. If fact it continues to get worse. With more and more people speaking out and seeking help for themselves and loved ones this area of health care has been sorely lacking. There are so many cases where people are waiting months and even in some cases over a year for treatment, there are cases where people are scared to even seek treatment because they fear losing their jobs, and there are people losing loved ones to suicide because the wait times for treatment is too long or the system is failing them. So why are these areas not being looked at? Why are these problems still happening when funding is being given and so many organizations are raising funds for mental health care? Where is the funding actually going and what problems are being solved with it when the number of people waiting for treatment and care is increasing and the number of suicides each year is rising?

We are all yelling and screaming for more funding but where is the funding actually going? Why are we not hearing about mental health centres being built, more beds in psychiatric wards, research for medications and alternative treatments, or even education for educators, health care workers and parents??

The studies that have been done that have shown progress to work for those with mental illnesses and behavioural disorders are not becoming common practice. Why are we taking more and more from schools that show to help our youth? Classes like gym, art, music and school sports are important to our youth. They increase physical activity and promote problem solving skills, communication and conflict resolution, but yet these classes are becoming electives and not mandatory. Teens are losing out on the possibility of participating in sports due to cost increases and lack of funding to help those who need it. Taking sports and other art programs from youth puts them at risk for other behaviours that may cause an increase in depression, drug use and criminal behaviour. Teens deserve the right to play sports, have music and art programs to further explore things that could make them feel better raising their self esteem and finding a like minded group of friends.

 In order to find the answers to these problems and questions action needs to take place.

1. Inquests into suicides need to happen to find where the system is failing those with mental illness.

2. Questionnaires need to be given to teens and their parents in schools to see where the high stress areas are and also to find those who are struggling with mental illness.

3. Pre-testing when youth are entering the school system to ensure that they are starting with a healthy mind and emotional level and re checks through out their school years.

4. Starting mental and emotional health education in grade school will also teach our youth how to handle and recognize problems before they get out of hand.

5. We need to start treating mental illness like all other physical illnesses and stop separating the two of them in hospital settings, mentally unstable does mean medically unstable.

6. The need for all family doctors to have the resources that will allow them to access psychiatrists and counsellors to get their patient in to someone as soon as possible. They also need a protocol to follow when dealing with mental illness even those they see all the time like anxiety and depression.

7. Policies and protocols when dealing with referrals. Example - They need to be calling and doing another over the phone assessment once they receive the referral.

8. Incentives for those going into the mental health field to encourage the growth that is needed to care for these patients. (They did this in NB when the need for doctors hit the province)

9. Training for those who are front line workers that work with children and others who are vulnerable or high risk.

10. Blood work and a diet questionnaire for all those being seen for possible mental or behavioural disorders to properly rule out a possible deficiency that could be causing the symptoms. 

11. Finding out what interests youth, teens and adults have that make them happy or feel good. And making sure that these interests are something they have access to.

12. Protocol and follow ups for new moms with training to those seeing them or their babies to watch for post partum depression. So moms don’t feel shame when they struggle with PPD.

This list is only a start into what changes need to happen in order to find out the problems and holes in a system that is failing those who need it the most.

This is not just the problem of one ministry, this is a situation that needs to be dealt with by most ministries and they need to work together to solve this problem. Education, health, social development, first nations, and many more on the provincial and federal levels need to stop arguing and start working together to start fixing the problem. It is time to stop throwing money into the wind and start finding the problems that need fixing. Start listening to those of us who have fought the system and lost loved ones because of the holes that are there. The time to act is now, with more and more people speaking out about suicides that are happening in their communities and families the time to listen to them and hear their stories has never been more critical. So I am asking you please act now and start doing what needs to be done to find the problems so that funding can go to where it needs to go and not wasted on promotion and places that are not making a difference to those who need it most.

Please feel free to share your voice on this, Bailey and I both listen and look for answers and solutions to problems. The time to start looking for the right solutions has to happen now before this epidemic gets even more out of control.