Many don't realize that PTSD is not just something that our military personnel battle. PTSD is a disorder that ANYONE who has experiences a traumatic event can suffer with. For our family it is all three of us at some level, however as parents to a teen who suffers from PTSD it means our lives are often left being unpredictable each day.
When your child suffers from this disorder it means bouts of anxiety, depression, a growing list of triggers and on top of that appointments with doctors and therapists.
Its been just over a year since we found our daughter and Bailey's twin sister after she had ended her life and reality has been setting in.
For Bailey it has been a year of lost friends & new friends gained, a year of learning and discovering triggers which sadly are just starting to surface, and also a year of trial & error with getting her back on track.
What many don't realize is when you are dealing with someone who PTSD you have to watch EVERYTHING you say, do and what they do. There are times her brain just decides to re-play the events of the day Morgan died and there is nothing she can do to stop it. There are times if she is caught off guard by a touch she just about jumps out of her skin but yet there are days she needs to be cuddled. There are times she is so tired from getting through the day and experiencing new things that it takes her two days to recover. Sadly this is how she will live for the rest of her life, not to mention there are many things we have cut out of her life so she isn't being forced into dealing with even more triggers. As parents it can be exhausting and very painful to watch. Not to mention we both have our own symptoms of PTSD to deal with.
My husband who never had issues leaving myself or our children before can now find himself in a full anxiety/panic attack if he is away from us for too long. He is hyper vigilant to what Bailey is watching or being exposed to for fear it will trigger something and then he has his daily flash backs he has to deal with as well. Flash backs are the worst, its like reliving the day all over again and you have no control over it.
Then myself well I argue with myself in my head when flash backs start or that dark feeling of loss starts to creep over me. Then I am left standing there thinking I must look like an idiot to others who can see me because for me I zone out completely to be able to bring myself back from it.
To know what each person is going through or feeling is impossible because each of us is different and each of us have different triggers, symptoms and coping methods. Which means just in our home alone we have three who all experienced the same trauma but yet all three of us have different symptoms etc of PTSD. The only thing we have in common is that when one is suffering the others are able to be there and it isn't a trigger.
Living with a child who has PTSD is almost like walking on egg shells all the time. Your scared of something setting them back, your scared something they see will send them into a flash back, your scared something they experience through the day will cause a nightmare and your scared someone will do something to them throughout the day that will cause a reaction that they can not control and you worry that the schools will never be equipped to deal with a child who may or may not have an episode that day or a reaction to something that has happened or to something someone has said or done.
So what is it like living with a child with PTSD? Its a living nightmare of constant worry, but also a life of living in the moment because that may be all you have with them each day. It is a life of explaining why they may or may not react in a "normal" way to certain things and a life time of making sure that they are watched and get the help they need when they need it!
We are all survivors but with that comes ups and downs. Its what we learn and take from those ups and downs that get us through each day and is a guide to help through other days.
Friday, July 31, 2015
Coming to The Light
So many things have popped up and so many things have come to light in the last few weeks since we have been home.
Bailey is finally at a great place and is starting to look forward to more things and putting herself out there more to better help others. She has been presented with amazing projects that she is finding time to put effort into, however, I have been informed it is summer and teen advocates deserve a break :) THIS to me is a good sign. This shows me that while she knows her voice is important not only to others but also to herself. She knows that if she allows herself to get too wrapped up in everything else then she will lose herself and her light. So many cant figure that out at 30 and here she is at just 14 knowing she needs to balance her life. She knows she still needs to be a kid. How did we miss that our little girl has aged 20 years in such a short time? Simple we as adults are so busy filling our plates and keeping ourselves busy we forget that we need to allow our light to shine and relax! We need to unplug and spend time doing what we love and enjoy doing and not focus everything we do around work!
We need to take time to recharge ourselves and find our inner peace. So as busy and crazy as our lives are between Morgan's Mission, work, sports, school, doctors, therapists and being a family Bailey has yet again taught us a lesson that we need to stop and find time for ourselves to do NOTHING! Watch movies, eat junk food (this I don't like), hang out with friends, play in the rain (when we get it) and to just BE!
Coming to Light can mean many things to many people. For us its about finding the balance so our light don't disappear, for others it is making sure they always see the light ahead of them so they don't give up. Those are the ones we need to guide to things that will help them. It is so easy in todays world to get caught up in the "trends" on social media that belittle how you look, feel or present yourself. There are so many things out there that teens are getting caught up in that are tearing down their self esteem that we as adults have to do more to stop these from happening.
The latest ones being the don't judge me and the belly button challenge. BOTH make teens feel they are less then they really are. Who cares if you can wrap your arm around your waist, news flash your body is not designed to do this naturally. And don't judge me, many are making fun of those who do have scars, look different, have acne etc and then make themselves look normal for the camera. Ok , and I am shaking my head as I write this, girls you are going to have skin changes, your going to have girls who don't pluck the same as others, your going to have days you do not feel like wearing make up or doing your hair and you know what WHO CARES! That is your body and your choice! THAT is what matters! Guys you also will have skin changes, some get facial hair at different times (heredity cant be helped) your going to have some with acne and guys who "manscape" and others who don't and you know what WHO CARES again this is your body and your choice!
As parents we need to be teaching our children to be happy with themselves and stop judging others based on looks. We need to stop judging ourselves based on looks because honestly we can be just as bad on ourselves and teens can be and guess what THIS is where they see it and learn it.
Women we are our worst critic and we can be brutal! And at what cost? Our daughters and sons see this and think this is how women should be viewed and treated!
So with that being said I have learnt a lot from my daughter the last couple weeks yet again. Life happens and sometimes life sucks but for all of us its a process that we can either live to the fullest each day OR we can choose to just exist and let most of life pass us by. For us we are choosing to live and make the best of each day as it comes and to not lose our light in this life.
Bailey is finally at a great place and is starting to look forward to more things and putting herself out there more to better help others. She has been presented with amazing projects that she is finding time to put effort into, however, I have been informed it is summer and teen advocates deserve a break :) THIS to me is a good sign. This shows me that while she knows her voice is important not only to others but also to herself. She knows that if she allows herself to get too wrapped up in everything else then she will lose herself and her light. So many cant figure that out at 30 and here she is at just 14 knowing she needs to balance her life. She knows she still needs to be a kid. How did we miss that our little girl has aged 20 years in such a short time? Simple we as adults are so busy filling our plates and keeping ourselves busy we forget that we need to allow our light to shine and relax! We need to unplug and spend time doing what we love and enjoy doing and not focus everything we do around work!
We need to take time to recharge ourselves and find our inner peace. So as busy and crazy as our lives are between Morgan's Mission, work, sports, school, doctors, therapists and being a family Bailey has yet again taught us a lesson that we need to stop and find time for ourselves to do NOTHING! Watch movies, eat junk food (this I don't like), hang out with friends, play in the rain (when we get it) and to just BE!
Coming to Light can mean many things to many people. For us its about finding the balance so our light don't disappear, for others it is making sure they always see the light ahead of them so they don't give up. Those are the ones we need to guide to things that will help them. It is so easy in todays world to get caught up in the "trends" on social media that belittle how you look, feel or present yourself. There are so many things out there that teens are getting caught up in that are tearing down their self esteem that we as adults have to do more to stop these from happening.
The latest ones being the don't judge me and the belly button challenge. BOTH make teens feel they are less then they really are. Who cares if you can wrap your arm around your waist, news flash your body is not designed to do this naturally. And don't judge me, many are making fun of those who do have scars, look different, have acne etc and then make themselves look normal for the camera. Ok , and I am shaking my head as I write this, girls you are going to have skin changes, your going to have girls who don't pluck the same as others, your going to have days you do not feel like wearing make up or doing your hair and you know what WHO CARES! That is your body and your choice! THAT is what matters! Guys you also will have skin changes, some get facial hair at different times (heredity cant be helped) your going to have some with acne and guys who "manscape" and others who don't and you know what WHO CARES again this is your body and your choice!
As parents we need to be teaching our children to be happy with themselves and stop judging others based on looks. We need to stop judging ourselves based on looks because honestly we can be just as bad on ourselves and teens can be and guess what THIS is where they see it and learn it.
Women we are our worst critic and we can be brutal! And at what cost? Our daughters and sons see this and think this is how women should be viewed and treated!
So with that being said I have learnt a lot from my daughter the last couple weeks yet again. Life happens and sometimes life sucks but for all of us its a process that we can either live to the fullest each day OR we can choose to just exist and let most of life pass us by. For us we are choosing to live and make the best of each day as it comes and to not lose our light in this life.
Thursday, July 2, 2015
Time For A Revolution
To know there is now another family that will struggle to carry on and find a new normal in their lives my anger surfaced. My blood began to boil and I shook I was so upset and angry. I have done very well with not letting my anger win but today it did and I am going to tell you why.
The last year I watched my own family be torn to the core with the loss of Morgan, I watch a carefree 13 year old grow up 10 years and become wise beyond her years in mental health, suicide and bullying because her identical twin sister was taken from her.
The last 7 months we have watched another family struggle with the same battles and feelings after the loss of their daughter. And now again we will watch and reach out to another family torn to their very core to make sure they have support from people who can say "I know how you feel and you are ok and those feelings are normal" while the rest of society tells them they need to move on and keep living their lives.
I am angry because people have it in their minds that they can put a time from on grief, that you should be worried about how the suicide effects others while you are shattered into a million pieces and trying to keep those pieces together so you can heal, but most of all I am angry because we as a society would rather stick our heads in the sand then face tough issues head on!! Well guess what no more! Enough is enough!
If you cant talk about suicide and mental health illness and care the same way as you can cancer, diabetes, heart disease, and hell even male impotence (which even gets TV commercial time and is easier to talk about then suicide and mental health) then I am sorry but you need to give your head a shake! SUICIDE is now the leading cause of death in teenage girls! That means statistically your daughter has a better chance of ending her own life then getting hit by a drunk driver or developing cancer! Scary thought huh!
Mental Health illness will effect 1 in 5 people. Which in turn effects those around them indirectly which means NOBODY is safe from mental illness or its effects. World Health Organization has already stated by 2020 mental illness will out number ALL other illness with the except of coronary heart disease. So your odds of having to seek help for mental health illness in a family member is pretty good. You know what you will be faced with?? Lack of care and resources, long wait time which for some is a death sentence, not to mention little to no help for those who are indirectly effected or are a suicide survivor. Has my daughter been lucky to have great help and people behind her, yes she is, but let me tell you it does not happen for everyone and honestly where was all this help for her twin when she needed it.
Anger..... it is really one of those emotions that I am entitled to feel and nobody will tell me different. My only positive in it is I can be my most pushy and creative when I am angry. I have no issues stepping on toes or swinging for the outfield when I am angry about something that is preventable and treatable. Why because nobody deserves to suffer in silence, nobody deserves to struggle to put their lives back together, nobody deserves to be looked down on for seeking help, nobody deserves to feel shame for an illness they CAN NOT help!
So today I lick my reopened wounds and carry on with my fight. My anger will subside and I will continue to survive and live my life, but be warned I am a mom on a mission for change and nobody does better work then a PO'd mama bear! This is my community and I will NOT let it be swept to the side NOR will I let anyone forget we are here and deserve the same resources and care that any other city of our size and population gets!
So Fort Mac who is in??? Its revolution time and alone or with an army I am fighting this war not only with mental health but bullying as well. I am not stopping and I am not sorry for that!
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